Beating up Malory

In the Medieval Lit class, we've finally gotten to Malory, who, after figuring out how to cobble several contradictory bits of Arthurian stories together, would allow us to create most of the middle ages as we culturally know them. I try to be polite about the literature I'm teaching, but Malory goes up my nose.

And he's so easy to make fun of. I myself, in the long ago, posted a Malory parody of our department's reaction to the Starbucks coming in to the Student Union building.

Today I'm pleased to bring you a bit written by one of my students, and stolen by me off another student's Facebook page (I asked, of course).

It started when one of the students asked, about the sword in the stone, "isn't this phallic imagery?" To which I replied, "isn't everything phallic imagery?"

And then later in the grad office they had a long discussion of Malory, using the work "penisy" many times.

And then one of the other students came up with this bit of Maloriana:

"Than kynge Arthure loked on the swerde and lyked hit passynge well, especially its gret gyrth and lyngth. Than seyde Merlion,'Whethir lyke ye better the swerde othir the scawberde?'"I lyke bettir the swerde,' seyde Arthure."Ye ar the more unwyse, for the scarberde ys worth ten of the swerde; for whyles ye have the scawberde uppon you ye shall lose no fluyde. Therefore kepe well the scawberde allweyes with you, and note ye welle thys reysyrvaur at the tippe. Yt ys moste crusiall.'
'Nay, Merlion. I wit ryght welle thys scarberde be to smalle for myne longe swerde.'
'Alas, Arthure, ye shall beget your own downfall with thys vainglory and unwieldy swerde. Put hit away, ye be creyping me out. For Merlion may be maister of many dyverse thynges, but hys cocke doth not crowe in thyn direction.'
[Malory. pg 36. Oxford. 1971]

I'm glad that my students are learning so well.